Marjorie Baer used to joke about her retirement plans. She wasn't married and had no kids, but she didn't intend to be alone—she and all her single friends would move into a fictional home she called Casa de Biddies. Instead, Baer developed terminal brain cancer when she was 52. But just as she'd hoped, her friends and family provided her with love and care to the end.
Baer's friends Lee Ballance and Mary Selkirk were walking their dog one afternoon in July 2006 when they saw an ambulance in front of her house. Baer had had a seizure and collapsed. Ballance, a physician, hopped in his car and followed the ambulance to the hospital to be at Baer's side while doctors tried to figure out what was going on. When they did, the news wasn't good: She had glioblastoma multiforme, a particularly aggressive form of brain cancer.
Ballance was only the first of Baer's friends who became her unofficial caregivers. Until her brother Phil Baer put his marriage and work in Los Angeles on hold to care for his sister during her final weeks, they cobbled together a system to watch over their friend and allow her to keep some of the privacy and independence she cherished.
Baer's good friend Ruth Henrich took the lead. That seemed natural: Henrich, then 58, and Baer both worked in publishing and lived in the same duplex. Though busy in her job as an associate managing editor at salon.com, Henrich took Baer to doctors' appointments and helped her deal with all the aspects of life that were becoming increasingly mysterious to her—answering machines, TV controls, and even phone numbers. After Henrich sent out an e-mail request, a group of volunteers signed up to ferry Baer back and forth to radiation therapy. Others in Baer's circle offered up particular talents: A nurse friend helped Baer figure out how to get what she was due from Social Security and her disability insurance; an attorney pal helped Baer with her will; a buddy who was an accountant took over her bills when she could no longer manage them. "There was this odd sense that the right person always showed up," says Ballance.
Not that it was easy. "I had to know at all times who was going to be there and anticipate what Marjorie would need next, so it was always on my mind," says Henrich. "It was something I wanted to do, but it also never went away." Still, their jury-rigged arrangement worked remarkably well. Even as Baer lost the ability to read and write and engage in conversation over the course of the year, she was able to continue to live on her own, walk to the market, take the subway to painting classes, and even fly to Iowa by herself to visit her brother Tom and his family.
"She was a generous person," says another friend, Elizabeth Whipple, "and it came back to her in truckloads."
Unmarried women are one of the fastest-growing demographic groups in America, and increasing numbers of men are remaining single, too; experts are concerned about how caregiving will be managed for both groups as they age. If the experience of Baer's friends is a guide, the Internet will play a role. It's already making it possible to create communities of caregivers who may have only one thing in common: the person who needs their help. On personal "care pages" set up through services such as Lotsa Helping Hands, friends and family members can post a list of tasks that need to be done, volunteer to do them, and keep updated on the person's condition. As Baer's cancer progressed, for example, her friends set up a page on Yahoo! where people could sign up to deliver meals or do errands.
Eventually, their help wasn't enough. One morning, a year after Baer's diagnosis, Henrich checked in before work and found Baer on the floor. Though she wore a panic button on a chain around her neck, she hadn't used it. "I don't know how long she had been there," Henrich says.
That was when Baer's brother Phil stepped in. He and Tom had taken turns earlier making trips to Berkeley to care for their sister; now Phil, who lived in Los Angeles, took leave from his job as head of air-conditioning and heating at CBS Studio Center—and from his understanding wife, Joyce—to care for Baer full-time. "There was just no question in my mind that I would do anything I could, including switch places with Marjorie," he says. "It made me realize how much I loved her."
For the next few weeks, Phil looked after her during the day. He oversaw the nighttime caregivers and consulted with the hospice workers who assisted with medical issues and helped him prepare for Baer's death. But even then, his sister's loyal friends were irreplaceable, he says, providing both practical and emotional sustenance.
Several of Baer's friends were there when she died. "We were all trying to help ease her passing," says Whipple. "Phil put his hands on her chest, and she let go."
Catherine Fox, one of the friends who was present when Baer died, was deeply affected. "It was so comforting to know that if you're willing to ask for help, the generosity of family and friends can be phenomenal. It makes me feel secure and hopeful to know that help is there when you need it."
马乔里拜尔用来开玩笑，她退休计划。她没有结婚，也没有孩子，但她不打算孤独，她和她的单身朋友们将进入一个虚构的家里，她叫之家Biddies。相反，贝尔开发晚期脑癌当她52岁。但是，正如她所希望，她的朋友和家人提供的爱和关怀，到最后她。
贝尔的朋友李巴伦斯和玛丽塞尔是他们的狗散步2006年7月1下午，当他们看到了在她家门前救护车。贝尔不得不扣押和崩溃。巴伦斯，医生在他跳上车，并跟随救护车到医院将在贝尔的一侧，而医生揣摩发生了什么事情。当他们做的不好的消息：她胶质母细胞瘤，脑肿瘤的特别凶猛的形式。
巴伦斯仅仅是贝尔的朋友谁成了她的第一个非官方的照顾。直到她的弟弟菲尔贝尔把他的婚姻和在洛杉矶工作期间举行的最后几个星期，她照顾他的妹妹，他们拼凑起来的一个系统，监视他们的朋友，让她对身边的隐私和独立，她抱有。
贝尔的好朋友露丝亨利希率先。这似乎是自然的：亨利希，当时58岁，贝尔都在出版工作和在同一双面生活。虽然工作繁忙，她作为一个在salon.com副主编，亨里奇了巴尔医生的任用，并帮助所有方面的生活变得越来越神秘的她，应答机，电视控制，甚至她的电话号码处理。经过亨利希发出了电子邮件请求，一组志愿者签署了渡轮贝尔来回放射治疗。在贝尔的圈子其他特殊人才提供了：一个护士朋友帮助贝尔弄清楚如何让她从社会保障和她的残疾保险到期;律师好朋友帮她贝尔将，一个好友谁是会计师，在她参加的法案当她再也管理。 “有这个奇怪的感觉，正确的人总是表现了，”巴伦斯。
不是很容易。 “我知道，在任何时候谁去那里，预计将需要什么马乔下，在我的脑海，所以总是说：”亨利希。 “这是我想做的事，但也从来没有离开过。”不过，他们的陪审团，操纵安排运作非常好。尽管贝尔失去了能够读取和写入，并在谈话中对参与这一年中，她能够继续自己的生活，步行到市场，乘地铁到绘画班，甚至飞往艾奥瓦州的她访问她的兄弟汤姆和他的家人。
“她是一个慷慨的人”，另一位朋友，伊丽莎白惠普尔“，并回到她的卡车。”
未婚女性是美国增长最快的人口群体之一，越来越多的男子是保持单身，也;专家们关于如何照料将两个组的管理，因为他们的年龄有关。如果贝尔的朋友经验指导，因特网将发挥作用。它已经使我们能够创建社区照顾谁可能只有一个共同点：人谁需要他们的帮助。在个人“照顾页”设置通过服务，例如Lotsa援助之手，朋友和家庭成员可以张贴需要做的，他们做志愿者的任务列表，并保持该人的情况更新。正如贝尔癌症的进展，例如，她的朋友们建立了一个雅虎网页！在那里人们可以注册送饭菜或做杂事。
最终，他们的帮助是不够的。这天早上，贝尔的诊断一年，亨里奇在检查工作前，发现地上贝尔。虽然她戴着一脖子链恐慌按钮，她没有使用它。 “我不知道多久，她曾经在那里，”亨里奇说。
那是在贝尔的弟弟菲尔英寸，他和汤姆加强较早前已作出轮流前往伯克利照顾自己的妹妹，现在菲尔，谁住在洛杉矶，离开了他作为负责人，空气调节和哥伦比亚广播公司供热工作室中心和妻子从他的理解，乔伊斯，照顾贝尔全职。 “我们只是没有在脑海里，我想我可以做任何事情，包括与马乔里来回切换位置的问题，”他说。 “这使我意识到我是多么爱她。”
在接下来的几个星期，菲尔照顾她白天。他负责监督1980年成立，并与谁协助医疗问题，并帮助他善终工人咨询准备贝尔的死亡。但即便如此，他姐姐的忠实朋友们不可替代的，他说，同时提供实际和情感寄托。
在贝尔的几个朋友在那里，她死了。 “我们都在努力，以帮助减轻她的传球，”惠普尔说。 “菲尔放在她胸前的手，她放手。”
凯瑟琳福克斯的朋友谁是贝尔去世时在场之一，深刻影响。 “就这样安慰的是，如果你愿意寻求帮助，家庭和朋友的慷慨，可显着。这让我感到安全和充满希望知道，帮助有需要时。”
